I set out to kill the man I loved

There was no point in delaying. I have to do this. No, I can't think of anything but this mission. It's my own fault for falling-in-love on a mission. Especially a kill mission, you CAN'T fall-in-love. That's just a big no-no. I couldn't help it he was just so kind and UGH! I don't think I can go through with this, I'll just lose my head. That is a better fate than me having to kill him. I've made my choice I can't do it, I don't think I ever could. Now I'll just wait for him to come to find me, to finish me off. At least the last thing I'll see before I die will be his eyes. It's stupid, utter stupidity to fall-in-love with a target. Falling-in-love with the enemy? Now that is just suicidal. I suppose I'm suicidal then, at least I got to feel real love one time in my miserable life. At least I found love once.

j.h.

Once upon a time . . .

Once upon a time

I don't believe that

not for me, at least

I don't deserve it

After being so mean

Such a cruel person

Never passing up an opportunity

to bully someone else

I could NEVER condemn

someone to, someone like me

So once upon a time

It can't exist

At least not for me

I don't deserve any

Happily ever afters

j.h.

Shine

A light will forever shine bright in me
Your darkness will not keep me from there
The spark in me will always be burning
No matter what you do, I'll find a way
To escape from your horrible clutches
My soul will be as a flame, forever
Glowing in the gloom of the sad and the
Hopelessness, don't let it take hold of you
Fight back with all your heart, might, mind and strength

j.h.

Conqueror of my heart

What can be won in

this world, what is there for me?

Oh, I wish there was . . .

It doesn't matter now

You will not care about me

Now and not ever

Because you are

The CONQUEROR, so heartless

Crushing peoples hope

Never Believing

Never ever fully expecting
However, waiting
For you to never come back
But still searching for the light

I'll wait forever
For us to begin again
Centuries will pass
I will think of you always
You'll always be remembered

j.h.

Steps

Steps
One after another, painful, hard
But that is what makes life
So worth living

Steps
Into a new life, a new era
Leaving behind the ones who
Wouldn't, couldn't come with you

Steps
Twos, threes each before you
Leading you, guiding you
A holding hand, firm

Steps
Stumbling, falling, losing your grip
Lost. lost and forgotten
Pounding down a dark, dark path

Steps
steps
steps
Quieter now, a soft shuffling
A loving gaze

Steps
These are just our memories
Footprints left on the sand
Sometimes? they're washed away

Steps
Some light others heavy
It's what we do with our steps
That makes us human

After all, every one of us has had to take a step.

j.h.

Echoes Unforgiven

Echoes

Whisperings in the dark part of my mind

Flash, Flash Flash Flash!! Pain.

Incoherent phrases, pictures

And then it was over.

Again and again, night after night

Never leaving me, a constant companion

Sleep, I could never sleep.

Why, Why, Why, Why!

A personal torment.

Who is that laughing god

Why this terrible price?

I shouldn’t have done it, I knew that

I see their faces, all of those faces

Filled, through and through with agony

Whisperings turn to screams

Deafening me, incapacitating me

Never letting me have peace

Peace, Peace!?

I don't even remember

What would that feel like?

Smile, smile and pretend

Pretend like everything's okay

Smile through my anguish

They don’t need to know

They can’t have this on them.

I won't let this hurt them.

This is my burden, my pain

No one deserves this on them

I do this for you

Forgive me.

j.h.

Tributes

Tributes

Warriors, Heroes, Legends

Leaders, Brave, Believing

Somehow I just know

Somehow, it all comes back to me

The battle, the fear, the pain

How could I have forgotten?

Why did I forget

Kindness, Compassion, Hope

Hope, Hope, Hope!

Times like this, it isn't

Easy, wondering when things

Will go back to normal

Normal I don't remember

What that feels like

Not to hear the gasping of someone's 

Last breath

Not to see their lives fall out

Out, out, out of their eyes

Hero? I was never the hero

Never the one ready to make that sacrifice

You were always the one, you

Always were there to save me

I watched you die

I watched as your life flew

Flew! Out of your eyes as you

Saved me once again

Why didn't you just leave me

Why just that once couldn't you been

Selfish thought about yourself

If I hadn't been weak

If only I hadn't gone in to try

You would still be alive 

You would be with your family

Living a life that you deserved

I'm Sorry, so so so Sorry

It was my fault . . . all my fault

j.h.