Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Anger

often you catch me off guard
when you come to visit me  
most of the time I never
realize that you've come
until it is much too late
and i've said something
hurtful
or
crushing

i hate it when you come
you always bring more pain
so why
          why
                why
can't i get rid of you?

it used to be months
before you'd visit
now it is every day
your presence
growing by the
hour

please

please

i beg of you

leave me
alone

let me have peace again

j.h.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

who were you to me?

who are you?
do i know you?
I whisper to the
one in the mirror
were we friends?
did we laugh
i stare unblinkingly
did i love you?

j.h

Monday, October 2, 2017

What could I have done?

I watch you smiling and laughing
You look so happy
At least happier than you were with me
You say she understands you
Like really understands you
Didn't I know you like that too?
Wasn't there a time in your life when
We, together, were happy?
I guess its just my wishful thinking
Maybe I just put too much into us
When there NEVER really was an us
I watch you now and wonder sadly
"What could I have done differently?"

j.h

Grace


Trying hard not to act nervous around Grace was making him more nervous. He told her that he was just going to be a few minutes, and already he was gone an hour. Tonight everything had to be perfect. She had to say yes. Sebastian took one last look at the gazebo glittering in fairy lights. This was where she taught him how to dance. His ringing phone breaks him out of his reverie. It was Grace.
“Where are you? I told my parents that you would be here to get me at half-past six!”
“Sorry dearest, I guess I lost track of the time.” He says trying to soothe his frazzled girlfriend. Seb heard a long sigh. At the noise he had to smirk, Grace was always sighing her displeasure.
“Just get back here. ”
“I love you, Grace.”
“Yeah, yeah love you too. You dork.” Seb waits until he hears a “click” at the other end before he shuts his phone. He shakes his head, chuckling. This was the woman he loved. Quickly, not wanting to test his love’s patience, he gets into his car. He reaches Grace’s house little past half-past six, alright a lot past half-past six. But what was he supposed to do? There was traffic. Grace is pacing outside when he drives up.
“Of all days to you choose to be late Seb.” She says still a little bit frazzled, but at least she is smiling. Seb grins. “Of course, you know how I like to make an entrance.” She smacks his arm.
“That I do know, but really? It’s my birthday! If there is one day where you shouldn’t be late, it is today.” He just shrugs, and Grace rolls her eyes.
“Come on Mr. Sloth,” she giggles dragging him inside.
“Hey, Ryan. Sorry I’m late, sir.” Seb says apologetically.
“No worries, It isn’t my big day,” Ryan smirks at his daughter and her boyfriend while watching the news. Seb smiles.
“Dad? Where’s mom?” Grace asks. Her dad pauses, before taking a deep breath.
“Uh . . . you know, probably in her room. She . . . uh . . . hasn’t really come out of our room since. . . you know.” Grace’s eyes widen.
“Right, yeah, of course, that’s where she would be.” Seb looks at Grace and her father confused, what had happened? After a few moments of shifting on his feet, Grace turns to him.
“Seb? Weren't we going to go do something?” Seb blinks. Right, he was finally going to ask her to marry him.
“Right, yeah we got to go. Bye Ryan. Nice talk. .?” He begins to walk out the door.
“Grace, sweetheart? Remember you gotta . . .” Ryan gestures something that only he and Grace understand.
“Yeah, Dad. I know.” Grace says sadly. “Bye, dad. I love you.” When they climb into the car, Seb turns to her confused.
“What was that all about?”
“Nothing you need to worry yourself with,” she says a bit harshly, barely holding back tears. “Can we just go?”
“Yeah . . . remember where you taught me how to dance?” He asks, hastily changing the subject.
“Of course,” she smiles. “Is that where we’re going?” By the time they get to the gazebo, the sun is setting and the fairy lights are flickering.
“Oh,” she breathes, “it’s beautiful.”
“I know how much you love dancing, so I figured we could just dance here. Just like old times.”
“Oh, Seb . . .” there were tears in her eyes. He bows low before taking her hand, spinning her on to the “dance floor”. Grace laughs, resting her head on his chest. They begin to sway, dancing to their own music.
“Seb?”
“Yes?”
“We have to talk.”
“Huh?” Grace pulls away from him, her face sad.
“Seb . . . I can’t be with you anymore. I’m sick. The doctors say that this is my last week.”
“So marry me.” He gets down on one knee, ready to pull out the ring.
“Seb . . .”
“Please Grace . . . just marry me.” But before she can say anything else, she falls to the ground writhing in pain.
“Grace!!” In a panic, Seb calls 911.
“Hold on Grace. Please hold on,” he sobs. The paramedics charge in and place Grace on a gurney. They hook her up to an IV as her heartbeat starts to slow to a stop. Inside the ambulance, the paramedics run around trying to keep Grace alive. They do everything they can, but they can’t bring her back.

“Time of death 19:45, 50 seconds.”


j.h.