Why

I've asked why
too many times to count
about the trials you have put me through

wondering
How a loving God could
create so much hardship and heartbreak

but now I
know that a loving God
would be there every step of the way. 

j.h.

Lean on Him

i got arrogant

selfish and proud 

thinking I'd be someone amazing

someone the world would recognize 

i thought I'd gone through my

"hard time"

that now I could do whatever I wanted 

but

life is a continual hard time

there are no breaks

I shouldn't have gotten comfortable 

hard times never come in ways 

you expect or want

do they come in the ways to make you grow

and growing hurts.

all we can do to lessen the pain is to

lean on Him.

lean on His atoning power.

He has gone through every sorrow

every heartbreak imaginable 

He knows.

i got arrogant. 

I am sorry.

j.h.

Dance With Someone You've Loved

A dance
A real dance
Gentle swaying, soft music
Your head pressed against his
Arms circle around you, holding you close

A dance
A real dance
Arms pumping, happy laughter
Head back, the music vibrating through you
Jumping to the joy enveloping your soul

A dance
A real dance
Out of breath, tears ready to fall
Consuming anger, your neck stiff, unyielding
Stomping, storming away from that dance

A dance
A real dance
Broken voice calling "Come back"
"Don't leave me!" slouched in grief
Waiting, wishing on the sidelines for someone just to ask

A dance
A real dance
Is heartbreaking, tongue twisting
Mind boggling . . . beautiful
But it is just a dance

You'll have more dances
More soft music, more happy laughter 
Don't throw away that potential
Over ONE dance
You, yes you will have a million more

Some in grassy meadows, the ones where
You run, jump and roll in the grass
Other dances will be in the studio
Learning the routine over and over
Hoping to get it right, nerves before the performance

A dance
A real dance
Is one experience after another
Laughter and smiles, Pain and silent tears
But those dances?
They're worth it

Worth it to feel everything this life has to offer
Keep going
Keep dancing your heart out
Maybe one day
You'll dance with someone you've loved

j.h.

30 Day Challenge

I looked to see the other day
how many of these
"30 day challenges"
I had completed.
Guess how many. The number is surprising.
I didn't even make it to 30.
I accomplished 10.
And it that isn't the story of my life
I don't know what it is.

Sent Home

expectations never happen
that is to mean
what i expected for my mission
hasn't happened

i mean i got sent home

it's only for two weeks
fourteen days
quarantine

expectations in life don't happen
you can hope and hope
and that hope will be lifted
but in the end they will
always be
dashed

when will i learn not to hope?
when will i realize it isn't worth it?

my mission has not turned out like anything i thought it would be.

is that okay?

j.h.