I know that he doesn't and won't ever like me. Is that why I am attracted to him? He likes conventionally pretty girls who are personable, athletic, and funny/ goofy. He likes girls like [Her]. I am not her and she doesn't get that. How do I make her understand that I can't be like her, I have to be ... me. I am proud to be me. It's just that being me won't get me, anyone. Being me doesn't get many fans and for the most part, I am okay with that. Sometimes, it would be nice to be wanted and desired because I am not [Her].
She told me today that he is adorable (he is) and she would love it if we worked. I told her it wouldn't ever happen and thanked her for the encouragement. She asked me why. To make it simple I told her I wasn't his type. I didn't want to get into the fact that it wouldn't work because I wasn't her. Bless her, ... she asked me how I knew.
How do you tell your best friend that you are almost positive that he loved her first and you don't want to end up being the second he settled on?? How do you tell her that he always referred to her as the "cute one" when he talked to his mom? How do you tell her that you will never measure up to her and the lasting impression she left behind on him? How?
So I told her about several conversations that I had with him told me I wasn't his type. She scoffed at me and told me that things like "types" change when you meet the right person. She's right. Someone's type will change if they are the right person but I won't ever be that right person, not for him at least.
You know, at the end of the day, it's okay. It's okay. At least it has to be, right?
j.h.
