Younger

"Be the person you needed when you were younger"
who did I need when I was younger?
I needed a friend
someone who would listen to me
like actually listen to me
not someone who "listens"
and waits for me to finish
to start what they wanted to talk about

that's who I needed when I was younger
maybe that's why I'm such a good listener
such a good observer of what the person wanted to hear

I guess I did become the person
I needed when I was younger

j.h

I feel Lost

I've been feeling lost for a long time now
I know vaguely what I want to do but . . .
I feel like everything is closing around me
forcing me to choose now
and to choose right
I don't KNOW what I need, what I really want from life
how am I supposed to know?
I'm eighteen!
I feel lost
help me
find me and point me in the right direction


j.h

Regret Nothing

Dear Future Child,
If there is one thing I want you to learn
it is to not regret anything in life.
I want you to live your life free
To live in such a way that
you experience
love
loss
joy
sadness
I don't want you ever feeling regret
regret that you didn't do this one thing
Do everything and all things
your heart wants
(stay safe . . . obviously)
But experience life ok?
don't regret your life

j.h

Dear Sorrow

You've come too often.
My mother is starting to notice. 

My friends are complaining that you're always with

me when they want to hang out. 

They just want a girls night. 

Oh, Sorrow. 

I've grown used to you holding my hand and

dragging me along on our adventures. 

I've grown used to you carrying me away from

my stressors in life. 

Perhaps I've gotten too used to you.
My teachers are worried about my glazed eyes

whenever I think of you. 

My grades have dropped because

we're always hanging out. 

Sorrow, dear dear Sorrow.
I have to let you go.

j.h

headache

why is that every time you open your mouth
my head starts to ache and throb?
why is that everything and anything
that comes out of your mouth
makes all of us around you
stop and stare at you, incredulous?
why don't you ever stop and think
about what you're going to say?
why are you such a headache to deal with?

j.h

New

new place
new sounds
new people
new friends
     . . .
new home

everything has changed so quickly
but not at all

I miss you,
but when I'm there with you
I hate you

What is wrong with me?

I feel like the last time
we saw each other
i knew who I was.
now?
I'm not so sure

Why can't i find myself?
I feel like i've changed
and
I don't like it

new place
new sounds
new people
new friends
new home
    and

new me i guess


j.h

ME

I have something to ask
and please hear me through
I know you won't want to
but please. This is important.
when it comes time
save me from me

I trust your judgment
Funnily enough, I do
you're harsh, but you've
always set me on the right path
So I ask, please.
Save me from me

It won't happen today
it won't happen tomorrow
but I know for sure
that it will happen soon
So I need to know if you'll
save me from me

j.h

Caught in the Rain

My favorite memories
always seem to have
you in the center of each
when I think of you
there will always be a
smile.
But when you told me
you didn't feel the same way.
It felt like getting
caught in the rain
unexpected, unwanted
standing there frozen
as your words sunk in
Drenching me in heartbreak.
To be honest I should've
seen this coming.
The skies of our relationship
had been cloudy for days now.

j.h

Stories we never tell

The stories we never tell
Build up inside of us
Ready to burst
Needing to be told
Wishing to be told
So they spin a tale
A tale that even
The strongest
Can not resist
The pull to have
It told
The stories we never tell
Become our worst
AND
Closest friend
But some friends
Once told.
They
Disappear
Vanishing into the never-ending
Chasam of rumors . . .

the stories we never tell destroy us

j.h

Plot Twist: He liked me

do you know what is hilarious?
he liked me before
LIKED
as in the past
as in not anymore

ha! when I absolutely despised him
he liked me?!
how ironic is it
that I like him . . . now
not back then

I like him now.

I guess psychology got something right
the mere-exposure effect
as I spent more time with him
I grew to enjoy his company.

I guess he grew out of liking me
and I grew into liking him

how pathetic am I?

j.h

Responsibility

The most frightening thing

someone has said to me

has been 

I think I like you

The most frightening thing 

someone has done to me

has been

to given me their heart

How am I supposed to
protect someone's heart?
How am I supposed to
say "I'm sorry . . ."
"I can't reciprocate your feelings?"

j.h

E

every time I look at you
you seem to never be here
like really here, off in wonderland
or somewhere that we can't go
What are you deeply dreaming of?
I know that it's not us
you haven't dreamed about me, us
in a very very long time.
I miss you, so very much
do you miss me? yes, no?

I wish you the very best
with all of my cold heart.
luck, old friend in new adventures
is what I wish you now.


j.h

Wolves

Throw me to the wolves
I dare you.
You sought to hurt me
throwing me to them
expecting them to hurt me
I bet you never knew
that they come running
when I call


j.h

M

We've drifted apart, have you noticed?

It is mainly your own fault
but I do not blame you
you had your reasons to leave
and I just didn't keep touch.
you left me alone, forgotten, buddy
I understand I do, it's just . . .
am I not fun enough anymore?
Maybe I realized you'll always leave
I mean you never stayed long

Maybe one day, if given chances
we will be good friends again

j.h

V

Silent, observant, will always be there
Small smirks, inside jokes, quiet humor
Somehow unable to open her locker
She is very much a snake :)
(I promise, a snake is good)
Strong support is what she gives
Sly and cunning, a best friend

She'll browse through reading my stuff
and she never seems to comment

j.h

Caught in the rain

My favorite memory of you
Is when we got
Caught in the rain
well we weren't actually
caught in the rain
but it was raining and
I was standing outside your house
waiting for my parents to get me
you stood out there with me
keeping me company
sure we were on your porch
and we weren't getting soaked
but it still had the cliche-drama
feeling was there as we stood
out in the rain
so I've never been caught in the rain
but because of you standing out
there with me
I won't ever have to be
caught out in the rain

j.h

My favorite colour is PINK!

You were a brave little things
in kindergarten
you always did the things
no one expected
like having your favorite colour of pink

Oh you were so cool!
I remember when you so bravely told everyone
in the sharing circle that
"wo zui xihuan de yanse shi fenhongse!"

I think that's when my little mind went
"yes, yes he is the one for me"
all because you favorite colour was pink

of course it was meant to be
as my favorite was also the
beautiful shade of pink, pink pink

and that's all I remember of you, Vincent
my kindergarten love
who in turn loved pink

j.h

Not the Romantic Kind

Dear A,
Please don't freak out on me
But . . . I think I love you
Not like the romantic kind
you weirdo
The kind of love that is
reserved just for best friends
I love how you get so excited
about something
you just have to share it
or when your excitement
gets the better of you
so you dance
the kind of crazy dance
you do in your seat
I love how you care so deeply
so deeply in fact that you'll try
EVERYTHING to cheer us up
even if it means to make a fool of yourself
how the HECK are you so caring?
I love . . .
how you know how each one of us tick
so you know just what do to
to make our boo boo's go away
I love it when you stare all dead-pan
at a teacher trying to understand
the importance of the assignment
and still not getting it
Anyway . . . please don't freak out on me
But I think I love you
Your BFF

P.S.
Well, maybe . . . I do love you . . . like the romantic kind of love :0

j.h

Dear Cupid

The next time you
hit me with an arrow
Please, please please!
hit the other person too
I'm not trying to tell you
how to do you job
or anything but
it's getting really really
annoying!!
when the person you're
starting to love
never
ever
loves you back!
sorry, sorry I'm sorry
about that outburst
I'm just a little frustrated
So, please the next time
you hit me with
one of your arrows
please hit him too.

j.h