what do I want?

there's a question I ask myself
perhaps one that others ask me too

I can't tell and neither can they

No one in my life can figure out

what I want

in life

in friendships

in a home

in a relationship

I feel so lost right now

j.h.

Coward

You called yourself the coward 
but lets be honest we both know

the Coward is me.

I was the one who 

couldn't face the fact 

that I didn't feel the same way.

I was the one who

honestly made up a 

bullshit excuse to end things.

You were sweet

but not who I needed

You were kind

but I never felt heard

you said you are a coward

but in truth, you were 

maybe one of the bravest people

I've ever known.

Sorry for being the coward. 

Sorry for not telling you the truth.

Sorry

Sorry

Sorry

j.h.

Anything but

My heart is protected by thorny vines and encased in glass. I had not think to check on it

You came and stole it

Stole it with your smile

Your directness 

Humor

Care

You took my heart

When you asked to hold me hand, asked to kiss me goodnight 

You walked me right up to my front door

Gathered all that courage. You could've walked away

You didn't

You called yourself a coward

You are anything but

j.h.

Conditions

When I was young I used to love you

Unconditionally

Well, there are conditions now.

Because you see

Love and hate

Are two sides of the same coin

And that coin has been flipped too many times

For me to just love you

j.h.