I don't fit

I am not the kind of girl who sits quietly, unspeaking

Not the kind of girl who knows all the answers

But is too shy to say anything, not saying my opinions

I don't wear a soft quivering smile, not meeting their eyes

I'm not the kind of girl who sits straight, haughty
Not the kind of girl who knows how to get your attention
But is coy, subtle enough to always keep you on your toes
I don't wear a sly smirk, making you do what I order

I'm not the kind of girl who laughs and giggles uncontrollably
Not the kind of girl who never seems to be all there
But is hiding just how strong and how steely her heart really is
I don't have that dazed smile, always falling, never paying attention

I'm not the kind of girl who slouches comfortably in her seat
Not the kind of girl who knows all the best ways to work out
But is the laziest girl in the whole class
I don't have a smile so confident, it scares away any competition

I'm not the kind of girl who goes out of her way to rebel
Not the kind of girl who scares and intimidates everyone
But is the sweetest, kindest, most compassionate person there is
I don't really smile, I sneer. The curl of my lip frightening

I'm not the kind of girl who can't sit still, ready to answer
Not the kind of girl who interrupts, interjects before any others can answer
But is so scared of failure that I over try, overwork, overachieve
I don't hide my pathetic loneliness behind my school achievements

I'm not the kind of girl who can't/ won't make up her mind
Not the kind of girl who needs to conform to society needs to fit in
But really wants to go rock out to death metal music
I don't practice my smile in the mirror because it needs to be just like the Queen's

I'm not the kind of girl who is always smiling, trying to cheer you up
Not the kind of girl who knows everyone by name and every one is her friend
But needs time to be alone and recharge needs time to compose herself
I don't smile wide, I am not that friendly. I don't need everyone as a friend

All of these girls, boys look for, search for.
I don't fit. I've never fit.
Because I've never been the kind of girl that boys fall-in-love with.

j.h.